The Room to Be Imperfect

perfect

(adjective)

1. having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be.

2. absolute; complete

In this day and age, even with the “love yourself” mantras being so prevalent, and “hot mess moms” having a moment, there’s still that little sneaky devil that likes to sit on our shoulders and whisper. Perfectionism.

Now, I’m a type A girl myself. I love a good list, I find joy in completing tasks and if you ask me to help you? Girl, I’ve got you, I’m going to go above and beyond for you. That’s all well and good until it becomes negative self talk. “It’s not good enough. I’m not good enough.” “I’m not as skinny as she is.” “They have more money than us.” “Her child is so much more well-behaved than mine.” “Why can’t I have that, too?” and it all goes back to perfectionism. We see these well curated lives on social media, flawless celebrities looking pristine postpartum (come on, Kate Middleton, give us regular girls a break!) or even in real life and we think “everyone must have it together but me” — when it’s absolutely more possible and plausible that they just hide it better and dress it up nicer. There is so much freedom when you set aside the burden of being perfect and just try with all your might to be the best you that there is.

Consider this. No matter your religious beliefs, something out there greater than yourself chose your child (or children) to be placed in your care. Do you know what that means? You are the PERFECT mom — for them. Does this mean you are a “perfect mom”, without flaw, never making mistakes? No. You are the perfect mom for them. Does that mean you will wake up every day, fresh as a daisy, dress like a 1950’s housewife and feed them only organic, fresh foods and never once lose your temper or have a meltdown? No ma’am! One can only dream. It means that no one else could mother them in the way that you can. You have (and are developing) “all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics” to mother them. And you are and will be as good as it is possible to be.

“And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good.”

—John Steinbeck, East of Eden

Maybe you didn’t grow up being given the room for imperfection. Perhaps your parents or guardians, whether consciously, with good intent or not wanted you to do everything “just right”. You can make the choice for a better outcome for your children and for yourself. They watch everything we do, they hear more than we know. Do we, as mamas, want them to grow up doubting themselves, beating themselves up for making human mistakes? Not at all! So we can show them the good example of how to fall down, get back up, dust yourself off and try again. Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be good. Give yourself the space and room and grace to be human, Mama. To be imperfect. And maybe by doing that, loving yourself right where you are, you give the mama next to you the courage and push to love herself in all her imperfections as well. It’s a beautiful domino effect.

You are a work in progress. But most importantly, you are good enough. You are more than good enough! Block out everything and anyone who tells you otherwise. You can be imperfect and still good enough. You are doing a great job, mama.

-Katie Havens

Katie is a first time stay at home mom to Jack, 7 months old, married to her best friend Chad and they live in Burleson, Texas. She enjoys writing, coffee, staying connected with the Burleson-Crowley chapter of FIT4MOM, long solo walks through Target and striving for authentic living every day.