Where do I fit in? This is a question I have pondered many times over the last decade. As an English born, Scottish raised, newly naturalized Texan, I shiver at the thought of starting over. Again. Finding my ‘home’. A safe spot. Somewhere I feel comfortable and can connect with like-minded people.

Learning cultures, accents, local norms and ways of life for me wasn’t like in my early 20s, backpacking in search for adventure and freedom. I was trying to find my place where I could be ‘normal’. Accepted as I perceived other locals were. The metaphorical road I walked previously had been rather evenly paved, bar the standard curves and hurdles we all have that make our journeys unique. Hopefully sculpting us to be the best we can be. Maybe you can relate from your own journey?

Then came baby number one. Welcome to mom life and another new, often steep and bumpy section of road. Blessed and joyous as it is when you welcome a sweet life, your needs as an individual sort of take a back seat when you begin your role as mom. You navigate a road where you are trying to be the best you can be for your bundle of joy. To sleep train or not to train? Organic home-made puree or baby led weaning? Socializing for you and the littles all while finding those to journey along with. I LOVE being a mom. But I knew I was missing something. I still wanted to know; where do I fit in?

Enter baby number two. A whole new road to travel down. Because they don’t tell you all that you experienced with your first is NOT how it will go down this round!

I had the pleasure to be a stay home mom to both of our darlings; Ella and Olivia. As we were getting into our rhythm as a family of four, it was becoming apparent that our sweet Olivia wasn’t keeping up with her expected milestones. Just another curve in our road we said. So as a family we all jumped on the same path. We slowed our pace down. We changed our milestone outlook to inch stones. We got all the help offered and built a team around us. But one area of this here road was still being neglected. Because a mom needs to look after herself too. Where do I fit in?

It turns out our girl so happens to be autistic. That in itself is another highway of where do I fit in! A spectrum of disorders is almost impossible to convey to others who most likely already have their own preconceptions or experiences. Anxiety can cripple our days. Our nights can be so long. Her hypotonia and hypermobility gave us some physical challenges that she takes in her stride. Pun intended. She has the biggest heart; her hugs are so genuine. Her loyalty and affection make my own heart skip a beat. Her wit is unparalleled and her determination so full that she cares not for your praise or approval!

As a mom, I felt like a tunnel had been added to that road I’m trying to navigate down. Our journey had now taken us to a new city with no friends close by. Where do I fit in? My kid is a little different. She is learning every day, but the further we travel down our road, the more I am aware of how different our path has been behind us. Let alone the older, busy kid I have! And still, I wonder, where do I fit in?

I have rarely been able to verbalize our past twists, turns and hurdles. I assume others are busy with their own, indifferent to ours, or they simply don’t care. I have shied away from friendships. Allowed myself to remain silent when I could have, should have, educated and corrected misconceptions. Partly because she is a terrible sleeper, as many autistics are, so I’m in a perpetual daze. And partly because I am still trying to get comfortable journeying down my road to talk openly.

Over summer I saw some ads popping up for a new, local group. This group is encouraging moms to come out with their kids. Wait! you want me to strap my kid in a stroller for an hour and put me first? No way! She won’t cope. And an hour of time I could be helping her towards her next developmental goal that we are working on? I can’t ‘waste’ that time. The excuses are almost too easy to make.

Fast forward a few months and a friend says “why don’t we give this stroller strides group a go”.

What if? Just what if THIS is where I fit in? Wouldn’t it be a shame to miss the opportunity? Just one class. The first one is free, after all…

Fast forward a few more months. Women and kids three plus times a week. Women all journeying their own roads. Kids all doing their thing. Community that is there for you: laughs, crafts, support, chat, meal trains… maybe, just maybe, this is somewhere I fit in. And the road is paved again, but when the hurdles and curves come, other women will be there. Thinking about trying something new? I promise both you AND your child(ren) will surely fit right in!